What Women Want
What do women want? This is a question that has baffled men since the beginning of time and we men are no closer to understanding women than we were when we huddled around an open fire
every night and lived in caves.
Why are women so hard to decipher? Simply because we try to understand them from a man’s point of view without understanding the basic premise that women think differently from men. In fact, women have completely different wiring than men and we will never be able to understand them on a logical level, which is how we approach most everything.
Think about it. What do we do when we get together for some fun? We definitely aren’t sharing feelings. No, we drink, talk about sports and other apparently innocuous subjects which in fact are a hidden form of competition. You know, the mine’s bigger than yours syndrome.
However, for guys this is absolutely natural.
On the other hand, when women get together they share their feelings, they watch chick flicks and talk about the latest diet or article in Cosmo. You see, women are mainly driven by emotion. Just as we need logic and structure in our lives, they need emotion. Men thrive on competition, adrenaline, power, domination, while women couldn’t really care less about them.
The idea is that if you really want to be able to date any girl, no matter how attractive she is, you need to know what drives her, what her underlying motives are. Now, don’t take this the wrong way because many women have no conscious idea of what drives them or what their motives are; it’s just the way nature has wired them.
However, just as you need to know what drives her, you need to stop worrying about it making sense. It is never going to make sense to us because we see things differently. But, if you know what her buttons are then you will be able to play sweet music that she won’t be able to resist.
Remember knowledge is power and you like power, don’t you? Well, learn what drives women and then you will have it in spades.
What They Say They Want
There’s a big difference between what women say they want and what they actually respond to. You see, most women will say that they want a nice, dependable guy who will treat them right. That’s all well and good but then why are so many women attracted to “bad boys”? Why do you see so many beautiful women dating complete and total jerks who have the bad boy image?
It’s simply because what women say they want and what they actually want are two different things. What they say they want has a lot to do with how they have been conditioned by society to think while the type of guys they are actually attracted to is dictated by nature and their wiring. Generally, nature wins out over society.
Does this mean you have to become a bad boy to be attractive to women? Yes and no. Confusing, I know, but there it is.
What you need to understand is that women are actually attracted to strong, confident men and definitely not to “nice guys” who do everything but lick the floor they walk on.
Take a look at those romance novels that women love so much. Pick up any of the popular ones and try and find one where the guy is “nice.” Good luck, you’re going to be looking forever because most of the men in these romance novels are tough, strong and powerful and in most cases they start out as being downright jerks even if they come around by the end.
And guess what? Women adore those books for a reason. Could it be because they are hoping to meet a similar man and these novels give them a chance to dream? If you answered Yes, then there is still hope for you.
Unfortunately, society seems to have emasculated men over the past few decades and there was a point where men were expected to be even more sensitive than women. The problem is that while women liked these men, they were only really interested in them as friends.
The good news is that it’s actually ok to be a man, especially since that is what women are looking for.
One thing we need to look at is the concept of attraction. You see, attraction will determine whether or not you get a date. The good news, though, is that women are more attracted to personality than they are looks. While looks do play a role, if you have the right personality traits, women will still be attracted to you even if you aren’t a Brad Pitt lookalike.
So, if your excuse until now has been that you aren’t rich, famous or Brad, then you need to realize that it’s only an excuse. While women may be attracted to the rich and famous, personality still wins out and if you have the confidence and humor that women love, then you will win every time, irrespective of the size of your bank account.
The even better news is that these are all things that can be learned, meaning that you can actually make yourself more attractive to women by cultivating the type of personality they would be attracted to.
If you are sputtering and mumbling that you shouldn’t have to change for a woman to be attracted to you and that she should like you for who you are, then wake up and take a whiff of reality because everyone has to change. We are all changing throughout our lives and we have two choices: we either let life mold us or we channel the change to benefit us.
However, just remember that attraction isn’t a choice. It’s not like a woman will see a guy and size him up, then tick of his qualities and suddenly decide “I choose to be attracted to him because he is stable, dependent and has a good job.” It simply doesn’t work that way because if it did then you probably wouldn’t need to read this book.
Attraction is quite biological, which means that if she isn’t attracted to you after first date, then there is little you can do about it because you will never be anything more than a friend to her. No matter how many gifts you buy her or how many restaurants you take her to, she is not going to suddenly develop an attraction for you. You’re better off simply moving on.
The problem with most men is that when they are around attractive women they feel the need to gain their approval by being overly nice, courteous and so on. The problem is that this puts her in the position to lead and if she is leading she will never feel that spark of attraction for you. As mentioned previously, women are attracted to strong and confident men and a strong guy will never allow a woman to lead.
Funnily enough, the best way to spark that fire of attraction is not to need her approval and to show her as much. The trick is to make her work for your attention rather than the other way around. This will unbalance her cool and aloof approach to men simply because you are doing something so unexpected and out of the ordinary she will be hard pressed not to at least be curious about you.
The more you appear like you don’t need her approval, the more confident you will appear and confidence is very attractive to both women and men. So, the more confident you can act in every situation, the more attractive you will be.
However, remember that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. While arrogance may be appealing to a certain degree, too much of it will make you look like a total jerk.
Most guys who fail with women always have an excuse, but most of the time that excuse is merely in their heads. You see, the main reason a lot of guys fail is because of the way they think which has an impact of their behavior.
For example, if you think that you will never have a chance at talking to an attractive woman then your actions will be in line with your thoughts. You will give off a “scared” vibe and you probably even won’t approach a woman.
On the other hand, the more confident you are in your abilities to charm and attract a woman, the stronger you will appear and the more attractive you will be. Most of the time the shortcomings we imagine we have stop us from acting and they are so deeply ingrained in our psyche that we don’t even realize we have them.
The best way for you to overcome this problem is, first, with a little soul searching. You have to identify what the excuse is that has been holding you back so that you can deal with it. Next, you need to educate yourself about women so you know what sparks that feeling of attraction.
You see, as soon as you come to understand exactly what women desire then you will be able to project an aura of strength that they will find absolutely irresistible. Every woman has a little girl inside of her longing to be protected and cared for and that little girl is the one who will have the final word. If you begin to understand that little girl and speak to her, showing her that you are in control of every aspect of your life, then women will be attracted to you like a moth to flame.
But you absolutely need to accept the fact that you can improve and it is within your power to become more attractive to women. Forget the excuses that nature hasn’t endowed you with Apollo’s beauty or that you can’t compete because you aren’t running a Fortune 500 company. You need to stop the self-pity and start understanding once and for all that if you can make a woman feel good then you will win out over any stud with a Ferrari if he has the personality of a wet rag.
Nice Guys vs Bad Boys
One of the biggest pet peeves nice guys have is that the bad boys always get the girl. Why? Well, while you are trying to wine and dine her, and basically kiss her backside and treat her with kid gloves so as not to upset her, in comes the bad boy who couldn’t really care less what she thinks about him, or what anyone thinks for that matter.
You see, bad boys project an aura of danger and power that women are attracted to simply because they don’t care what anyone else thinks – or pretend not to care – and because they are in control.
Women love strong men and most bad boys project this strength which is why women fall head over heels for them. The problem is that some of these guys turn out to be abusive jerks later on in the relationship, yet you still hear some of the most beautiful women say they love them and can’t give them up, even after these guys have beaten up on them.
On the other hand, you have the “nice guy” who is basically seen as being dishonest because, usually, they put aside their own needs and desires in order to please a woman. Since women are quite adept at picking up on the slightest things she will immediately think that the guy is being nice simply because he wants something from her or because he isn’t comfortable with who he is. So, he is either a pussy or a manipulator, neither of which women find attractive.
Now, imagine that you could combine the best of both worlds, namely projecting the same “bad boy” power while never becoming abusive or controlling. You would, essentially, be the perfect guy and the best thing is that you can learn to exude the same aura of power. You just need to believe that you can and be willing to work on building your confidence levels.
Personality Traits Women Find Irresistible
There are certain personality traits that you can cultivate which women find completely irresistible. The thing is that women will be attracted and stay attracted to a man who can make her feel good when she is with him or is thinking of him. This means that your personality is your most powerful asset because you can use it to make them feel good.
For example, one thing women love is a man with a sense of humor. The more you can make her laugh, the more she will want to spend time with you. Likewise, women are attracted to intelligent men, especially those who know how to use that intelligence to surprise her and engage her.
Education is another powerful weapon you can use because women love to hear stories about people or places. Not only will you always have a topic to talk about but it will be something interesting that engages her rather the same boring rote topics most guys talk about, like her favorite color or where she works.
Women are also attracted to dominant men, even if they don’t realize it. Biologically, women have been hardwired to seek the protection of a male and the more dominant the man, the better the chance he has at protecting her. However, don’t mistake being dominant with being controlling. You need to dominate the situations in your life rather than being controlling of her and taking away her individuality.
Men who are thoughtful are also very attractive to women. You see, women aren’t overjoyed when they receive a gift because of the gift itself but because it is proof that you were thinking of them. The gift is merely a symbol so any display of the fact that you were thinking about her will make her feel good, even if it is to tell her you weren’t happy that she went out with another guy for lunch.
If you want to really impress a woman, then you need to learn to notice details. You see, women spend a lot of time making sure they look good, so if she has a nice hairdo, it wasn’t an accident. She isn’t wearing that hot dress because the wardrobe fell on her either. She is trying to impress you and if you notice these details she will be extremely impressed that you noticed her attempts to be attractive to you.
Women also like men who are aggressive, but not in the sense that you won’t take no for an answer. That’s called date rape.
No, aggressive men that women like are those who know what they want in life and they go after it with everything they have and won’t stop until they achieve their goal.
As we have already mentioned, women love a man who is confident and even a little cocky. Again, don’t confuse this with being arrogant. The right attitude is actually a lot of confidence combined with humor. In other words you are so confident that you can even laugh at yourself without feeling insecure.
Insecurity is the Biggest Turn Off
One of the biggest obstacles men face is insecurity. This is the one thing that will render you completely unattractive to any woman. Women can detect insecurity and neediness immediately and there’s nothing that will turn her off quite as much as an insecure guy.
A man who doesn’t feel comfortable in a certain situation or is uncomfortable with who he is will come across as being insecure. He may try to appear confident, but it is quite clear that is only an act because he is trying to gain approval at the same time through what he says or how he acts.
Some examples of insecure behavior include allowing others to make the decisions. So, if you are always waiting for her to decide what you will be doing or where you will be going she will think you are insecure. Women like it when men decide what is going to happen and then they simply do it. If she wants to do something else, she will tell you but don’t always expect her to make the decisions.
Another way you come off as being insecure is if you are constantly arguing about everything. Even if you are right, it just makes you appear insecure that you have to argue with every little thing just to prove you are right.
You also want to avoid crowding a woman in the beginning or being too touchy-feely. You need to be a little more laid back and let her become comfortable with you or she will think you are insecure. If you are constantly touching her she will either think you only want to get her into bed or that you are afraid she is going to run away.
Women and Sex
Let’s get something straight. Women love sex just as much as men. Society has simply made it a taboo topic but the truth of the matter is that women enjoy sex and, yes, they talk about it with their girlfriends all the time. Ok, it’s true that they aren’t as fixated as men are but they still will find themselves magnetically drawn to a man who is a skillful lover.
Finding a man who knows how to please a woman in bed is not easy, as most guys are quite selfish in this department. Women are different than men when it comes to sexual pleasure and their mind needs to be involved just as much as their body or there won’t be any fireworks. Most guys just rush through it, without realizing that it takes much more than a “wham, bang, thank you ma’am” to please a women in bed.
You need to brand the word foreplay into your brain with a red, hot poker because if you get the foreplay right, women won’t be able to help themselves. You will end up having to beat them off with a stick.
Foreplay is more than sex, it’s all the little details that will get her imagination fired up and wanting more. It’s about well-placed touches when you are out with her, it’s about softly telling her what you would like to be doing with her even though you are in public, it’s about setting the mood and building the anticipation. The more sexual tension and anticipation you build, the quicker she will melt in your arms.
How does this affect your ability to date any girl? Women pick up on things like this quickly because they are masters at reading body language. And a man who knows how to please a woman exudes a certain confidence that says “I am going to rock your world” and women can pick up on that.
By becoming a master at pleasing women, you will not only become more attractive to women, but you will also maintain that attraction. After all, a skilled lover is a rare commodity and they won’t want to let you go.
Yes, women are more attracted to personality rather than looks, but this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make yourself as presentable as possible. This is because women make a lot of decisions based on very small details. For example, if you are too casually dressed then she will think you are simply too lazy to look after yourself and therefore will probably have an unkempt home and you would probably present too much work for her to be bother with.
On the other end of the spectrum, if you overdo your appearance and look too put together, she will automatically think that you probably spend more time in front of the mirror than she does and she doesn’t want to date someone who is more interested in himself than in her.
Yes, getting the right balance is a little tricky but as long as you look after yourself and that includes losing the beer belly, you will find that more women will be attracted to you. All you have to do is pick up a magazine and see what’s in fashion, spend a few dollars on some new clothes and away you go.
One thing is for sure, though. If you go around wearing a pair of jeans that have seen better days and you look nine months pregnant, you can be certain that attractive women will not give you a second glance.
You see, it simply comes down to the fact that women take time to make themselves more attractive to men, and it does take a lot of time and work, so they expect the same consideration in return, which is natural. So, if you really want to be able to date any girl then you need to get your act together, forget the six pack every night and hit the gym. And don’t start whining that you can never look like the muscle bound studs that are on the cover of romance novels. No one expects you to, but you can get yourself in shape which will not only help you find more success with women but you’ll also be healthier which means you’ll have more years to enjoy life.
Why Should I Change?
Well, you don’t have to change if you don’t want to. No one is forcing you to do it. But you will have to think about whether it’s worth the effort if you want to be able to date any girl, no matter how attractive she is. The thing is that we don’t live in a perfect world and even if you want her to like you for who you are, no matter how you look then you are going to have a big problem.
Attractive women are approached by so many men that they need to use the outer appearance of a man to quickly decide whether or not he is worth her time. They judge the type of person you are based on the image you present and they will be hard pressed to look beyond an overweight and ungroomed appearance as well as a total lack of culture.
It’s also a matter of self-respect. Do you have so little respect for yourself that you feel you aren’t worth improving? Read a few books, get on the internet and learn a little about what’s going on in the world, have a shower every day, get your hair trimmed, go to the gym and suddenly you will find that your confidence will skyrocket as well.
Fear of Failure
One of the biggest problems men have is that they fail to take action because of a fear of failure. We are simply paralyzed by the fear of rejection so much that we would rather not take any action at all. The strange thing is that many men will walk into a high risk situation without a second thought, such as a fight, whereas we are paralyzed by the thought of talking to an attractive woman.
Think about it. In a fight you are definitely going to experience some physical pain yet we are more afraid of approaching an attractive woman than we are of getting into a fight, even though the worst that can happen is that she will say no. But what if you succeed? The payoff, in this case, is absolutely huge by comparison.
Finding places to meet women is not as hard as you might think, especially if you start thinking a little outside the box. Basically, you need to go to the same places they go, and that doesn’t mean just going down to the pub for a pint.
First, you have to decide on what type of woman you would like to date. For example, you might want a woman who is into working out, so then you should join a gym. If you are looking for a party girl, then go out to clubs. However, do remember that there are lots of guys vying for their attention in settings like bars.
The idea is to simply sit down and think about where your ideal type of woman would be likely to hang out and then start going there. Women also love the idea of “accidentally” meeting a man in a normal but unexpected place. The grocery store, bookstore or mall are some good examples.
The list of options of places where you can meet women is virtually limitless. You just have to use your intelligence and creativity a little bit.
Women can smell a pick-up line a mile away and they don’t really respond all that well. The problem is that while you might be a genuine guy who has been religiously studying his dating guide on how to pick up women, she will simply think that you are either a player or weak.
Smooth pick-up lines usually turn on the alarm bells for most women because they think they are being played. Plus, the fact that she has probably already been told by fifty other guys how beautiful her eyes are won’t help the situation much either. So, the key is to stand out from the crowd.
The first thing you shouldn’t do is presume they have no idea what you are doing. Let me tell you that it’s a game you will fail at. Women are like predators when it comes to smelling your weaknesses and your intentions. They can smell what you want from a mile away because they are masters at reading body language. You will give yourself away before you utter the first syllable and then you are doomed to fail.
On the other hand, rather than trying to hide that you are attempting to pick her up, get great at it and you won’t have to hide anymore. Remember, cocky confidence and humor are a powerful combination that you can use to your advantage.
Out with Pick Up Lines, In With Conversation
One of the biggest problems with pick up lines is that they are a clear sign of the fact that you are nervous. You see, the delivery is much more important than what you actually say. If you are cool, confident and collected you could recite the telephone book and she would still find you attractive. On the other hand if you stutter over a pre-rehearsed pick up line then you are clearly showing that you are nervous, which is not going to win you any points.
Again, rather than starting off with some cheesy pick-up line, your chances increase tenfold if you engage her in an interesting topic, asking her opinion. This works really well if you ask her to offer her opinion on a controversial subject you are debating with a friend. One, she will be more likely to answer because women don’t like to be rude for the sake of it and two, it’s a great way to draw her into a lengthier conversation which will allow her to see who you really are.
If you simply ask whether you can buy her a drink or not, she can say “No, thanks,” and leave. However, if you ask her opinion on whether or not women earn less in the workplace than men doing the same job because you have been debating it with your friend, you will spark her interest and she is more likely to stick around and argue her point.
The Phone Number or Email Address
For some strange reason, most women are more comfortable giving out their email address, than they are their phone number. And, in fact, email is a much better way to start off the conversation because they also tend to become a little distant on the phone.
By using email she will be more comfortable with you as she will gain a little insight into how you think. She will also be pleased that you took the time to think about what you are going to say to her. Another great thing about email is that she will be more likely to answer an email because you are more likely to reach her than by calling her. And, she can answer at any time, unlike if you call her and she is at work or in the middle of a meeting.
The secret to asking for a phone number or an email address is to use a little humor and confidence. For example, a great way to get an email address is to ask her whether she has email or not. When she answers yes, simply take out a piece of paper and pen and pass them to her, essentially taking her yes as an acceptance to give it to you.
Then, while she is writing you can try to get her to write down her number as well, or, wait to get her number via email. Since women see little risk in giving out their email because being harassed by email is quite unlikely, you are usually better off exchanging a few emails first and then asking for her number.
Yes, you still need to appear confident when asking for her email, so, to build up your confidence, simply practice getting phone numbers and emails from women. You can go to the mall every day and practice so you can get over your fear of rejection. The more rejections you receive, the less they will affect you.
If you want to be able to date any girl, no matter how attractive she is, then you need to cultivate the personality traits that she finds attractive. Even though some guys are born with these traits, they can be learned, and since women are more attracted to a man’s personality and how he makes her feel than his looks, there is really no obstacle in your path other than yourself.
If you learn to eliminate your limiting beliefs, your confidence will grow, which will make you much more attractive to women. A woman will go out with an average-looking guy that has a mediocre financial solution in a heartbeat over a rich, great looking guy if the former makes her feel wonderful while the latter acts like a jerk.
Remember, the only thing standing between you and success with women is you. Learn to be more attractive to women and you will find that nothing can stand in your way.
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